It is never my intention to offend or hurt anyone with my writing. It is simply an outlet to express my opinions, raw emotion, and reactions to current events. Well, I caught a little backlash with my last post so I figured a blanket apology is in order. And, this one is a little lighter.
If you noticed, I mentioned that the day Jacob Wetterling went missing, I was 6 days old. That means my birthday was just over a week ago. It was not an intentional mention to get a few spare "happy birthday" well-wishes, just a fact that put in perspective the feelings my mother has explained to me over the years with that tragedy that struck our community and, ultimately, changed America's way of handling missing children cases.
Tonight, while chatting with someone I know (friend is a good label), he made this comment that got me thinking: birthdays are just so different once you get over twenty one! And ya know what? He is SO right!! On my birthday, actually, he asked me how old i was and my answer was a little snide (aren't you shocked??): Old enough to know better, but young enough to try it anyways. Not because I didn't want him to know, but because the number just isn't as important anymore.....
Think back: Imagine the first birthday you can think of. How old were you? The number doesn't matter now, but i'm betting you told EVERYONE how old you were going to be. And what kind of party you were going to have. And how many friends you were going to invite. And what you wanted for presents. Those were the things to think about!
And the milestone birthdays, oh man!! You turn:
5 = School! Sidenote: does anyone else think it's hilariously cruel how excited we used to be for school and how much we loved it, until about junior high when our "favorite subject" was lunch?? And at that point, we were lucky if we were half-way done with our education....
10 = double digits!
13 = TEENager!
15 = learners' permit
16 = DRIVER'S LICENSE!! Maybe even a car? Which mom crashes 3 months later... The time around my milestone birthdays all kinda sucked =\
17 = Donating blood [This was a BIG deal for me, though I was never legally able to donate blood]
18 = SO MANY! Voting rights, Military enlistment (Hooah!), gambling (if you wish), tobacco (if you're so inclined), no more curfew....
21 = Alcohol (if you choose to indulge outside the comfort of your own home)
25 = I can now rent a car.... That's totally cool, right?!
Then they're just done.... They come fast and furious every year and then *poof* that's it. Like the roadrunner and coyote, the steep drop of the edge of a cliff and now you're an adult. Celebrations are fewer and further between (maybe on the x10 years). Less people notice (unless, like me, you make a week-long celebration out of it... You all know i'm an only child, right? I'm blaming it on that) and even fewer still want to take part in celebrating. The exception here is the group of family and friends that you have that are happy to celebrate all of life's ups (and grieve all of life's downs) with you. But, if we're thinking back to that childhood birthday, even the weird kid who ate crayons would come to your birthday party -- and bring a gift! But once you're done with the milestones, they're just another day.
But my friend countered that point of view with this profound comment (edited for blog grammar rather than texting): It's more about doing something meaningful to you. Spending time with friends. Enjoying solitude. Who IS this guy?! It's like he's reading my minds and texting my thoughts to me. Well, we are both Libras, that could have something to do with it....
Another great point. Now, birthdays are markers of time that passes in your adult life. Another year of making your dreams come true, or of striving to follow them, or of letting go of the past and making the best of right now. Either way, it isn't just another day. Every birthday is a milestone for you. It's your day to celebrate your life or NOT and it's OK to embrace your independence and the idea that not everyone dotes on you. And that's just the way life is as an adult, regardless of where you are on the path.
Something to think about... Or, just more punctuated graffiti!
~A
PS: Thanks, MK, for starting such a random conversation that it inspired me to think and write. I appreciate it!
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Missing
25 years is a long time to wonder.
25 years ago today, a Minnesota family's life was changed forever. Jacob Wetterling was abducted while biking home from a convenience store with his brother and a friend. Their lives and the lives of their families, friends, and community would be changed forever. A search would go on for months, with no success. Years later, his parents continue to tirelessly work to find a shred of something that they could grasp on to and at least have an answer over what had happened to their son. A 25-year search for closure.
I was 6 days old when this happened. I remember hearing my mother tell me (several years later) about the thoughts that went through her head, having such a young baby when tragedy struck small-town Minnesota. She had brought a daughter into the world with a naive sense of security and hope for good in the world. And, just days later, the world had proven her wrong. It was supposed to be safe to let your kids play together in the neighborhood and only worry about how many scrapes and bruises they'd have when they came home; not to watch out the window worrying whether your child would be the next one to vanish. It was supposed to be just fine to let the kids run around the neighborhood, as long as they went with a group; parents shouldn't have to worry if their child would be the targeted one out of their group. As a kid it was supposed to feel like home in the cul-de-sac playing with friends until the street lights came on, a city-run built-in alarm clock that told us it was time to come home and clean up for supper; not to feel the need to question any stranger that roamed into our neighborhood or feel uneasy if our own adult neighbors looked at us a little too long or a little too often. Raising a child in Minnesota was supposed to be the epitome of the American dream; that's what my mother had thought the entire time she had waited to start a family.
Jacob Wetterling was the first child abduction that adults from that time can remember remaining unsolved. Minnesota had failed my mother. On a much larger scale, our home-grown community had failed the Wetterlings. We, as a state, as a community, as a support circle, had no answers. Yes, for a short time groups banded together and searched all the logical places - and the illogical ones, I'm sure. All unsuccessful.
Eventually, the headlines changed. Life moved on for everyone, the Wetterlings included. Their life took on a new purpose. They started the Jacob Wetterling Foundation and worked towards the passing of the Jacob Wetterling Act. They continued to raise their other son, the last family member to see Jacob. Life moved on for their community; that convenience store is a veterinarian clinic now. Life moved on for Minnesota. And life moved on for my mother. She stayed in her home state and raised me the best way she knew how - the way her mother had raised her - and adapted to the ever-changing times. She accepted the fact that you can't protect your child from all the bad in the world, and it would be doing them a great disservice to try. When she became a single parent, she spent extra time ensuring safeguards were in place at my school in the event she couldn't be there to pick me up herself. When I became a latch-key kid, she bought me a cell phone at an unreasonably young age so I would always be able to reach out for help. All of these things were to ensure that everyone was comfortable with life's situations; all of these things would have been unnecessary. But Minnesota had failed.
The other day, I saw this:
Then I overheard someone utter the unthinkable words: Why don't they just give up and move on already? She shouldn't be waiting around for her son to turn up.....
And it solidified my thought that Minnesota has failed its parents. Minnesotans have failed each other. How dare you, complete stranger, judge a woman based on her inability and unwillingness to "give up" on her child?! How dare you, uninvolved party, suggest that a mother "move on" from grieving the loss of her son?!
But, you know what? She was right..... Patty Wetterling shouldn't be waiting for her son to show up, she should know where he is and where he has been for the last 25 years. She shouldn't be hoping for a phone call that Jacob has been found, she should be hoping for a phone call that her grandchild is about to be born, or has lost a first tooth. She shouldn't be wondering if today will be the day the police show up at her door with devastating news; she should be surprised by her sons showing up unannounced to tell her of a wedding in the works. She shouldn't be home wondering if she'll ever see her son again, she should be looking forward to Sunday night where, on her calendar, it's marked "Jacob& Trevor come for supper".
They say it takes a village to raise a child. For 25 years, when it comes to giving our parents peace of mind for their children's safety, Minnesota has failed. But I was born and raised here and I KNOW WE CAN DO BETTER. Because I have no intention of leaving, and I have every intention of raising a family here. Knowing that my community will have my back.
~A
25 years ago today, a Minnesota family's life was changed forever. Jacob Wetterling was abducted while biking home from a convenience store with his brother and a friend. Their lives and the lives of their families, friends, and community would be changed forever. A search would go on for months, with no success. Years later, his parents continue to tirelessly work to find a shred of something that they could grasp on to and at least have an answer over what had happened to their son. A 25-year search for closure.
I was 6 days old when this happened. I remember hearing my mother tell me (several years later) about the thoughts that went through her head, having such a young baby when tragedy struck small-town Minnesota. She had brought a daughter into the world with a naive sense of security and hope for good in the world. And, just days later, the world had proven her wrong. It was supposed to be safe to let your kids play together in the neighborhood and only worry about how many scrapes and bruises they'd have when they came home; not to watch out the window worrying whether your child would be the next one to vanish. It was supposed to be just fine to let the kids run around the neighborhood, as long as they went with a group; parents shouldn't have to worry if their child would be the targeted one out of their group. As a kid it was supposed to feel like home in the cul-de-sac playing with friends until the street lights came on, a city-run built-in alarm clock that told us it was time to come home and clean up for supper; not to feel the need to question any stranger that roamed into our neighborhood or feel uneasy if our own adult neighbors looked at us a little too long or a little too often. Raising a child in Minnesota was supposed to be the epitome of the American dream; that's what my mother had thought the entire time she had waited to start a family.
Jacob Wetterling was the first child abduction that adults from that time can remember remaining unsolved. Minnesota had failed my mother. On a much larger scale, our home-grown community had failed the Wetterlings. We, as a state, as a community, as a support circle, had no answers. Yes, for a short time groups banded together and searched all the logical places - and the illogical ones, I'm sure. All unsuccessful.
Eventually, the headlines changed. Life moved on for everyone, the Wetterlings included. Their life took on a new purpose. They started the Jacob Wetterling Foundation and worked towards the passing of the Jacob Wetterling Act. They continued to raise their other son, the last family member to see Jacob. Life moved on for their community; that convenience store is a veterinarian clinic now. Life moved on for Minnesota. And life moved on for my mother. She stayed in her home state and raised me the best way she knew how - the way her mother had raised her - and adapted to the ever-changing times. She accepted the fact that you can't protect your child from all the bad in the world, and it would be doing them a great disservice to try. When she became a single parent, she spent extra time ensuring safeguards were in place at my school in the event she couldn't be there to pick me up herself. When I became a latch-key kid, she bought me a cell phone at an unreasonably young age so I would always be able to reach out for help. All of these things were to ensure that everyone was comfortable with life's situations; all of these things would have been unnecessary. But Minnesota had failed.
The other day, I saw this:
 |
| Source: Lamar Advertising |
Then I overheard someone utter the unthinkable words: Why don't they just give up and move on already? She shouldn't be waiting around for her son to turn up.....
And it solidified my thought that Minnesota has failed its parents. Minnesotans have failed each other. How dare you, complete stranger, judge a woman based on her inability and unwillingness to "give up" on her child?! How dare you, uninvolved party, suggest that a mother "move on" from grieving the loss of her son?!
But, you know what? She was right..... Patty Wetterling shouldn't be waiting for her son to show up, she should know where he is and where he has been for the last 25 years. She shouldn't be hoping for a phone call that Jacob has been found, she should be hoping for a phone call that her grandchild is about to be born, or has lost a first tooth. She shouldn't be wondering if today will be the day the police show up at her door with devastating news; she should be surprised by her sons showing up unannounced to tell her of a wedding in the works. She shouldn't be home wondering if she'll ever see her son again, she should be looking forward to Sunday night where, on her calendar, it's marked "Jacob& Trevor come for supper".
They say it takes a village to raise a child. For 25 years, when it comes to giving our parents peace of mind for their children's safety, Minnesota has failed. But I was born and raised here and I KNOW WE CAN DO BETTER. Because I have no intention of leaving, and I have every intention of raising a family here. Knowing that my community will have my back.
~A
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Loss
Recently, there has been some loss in my life that I'm still not sure how I'm dealing with. Maybe I'm not dealing at all. Maybe I'm dealing just fine and I'm just not used to being that emotionally healthy. Couldn't say for sure either way...
23 days is too fast for such a monumental person to have to say goodbyes. It is not nearly long enough to do what needs doing and say what needs saying and hug and love and make sure true feelings are known between people. But, that's just how life is sometimes. It ends abruptly and there's no going back to finish the unfinished or speak the unspoken words or give that last hug one more time before wishing that person safe travels and a casual "See you soon". There is guilt in my mind for how frustrated I would get over it. There is regret in my heart for not expressing myself better. There is peace in my soul knowing that he keeps his promises and WILL see me through. And there is laughter in my life from sharing memories of him with others with whom I am close.
There are days I still see him say my name. And every day I am reminded somehow of the burden he took on when he took me in. And there will not be a day in my life when I am not grateful.
~A
23 days is too fast for such a monumental person to have to say goodbyes. It is not nearly long enough to do what needs doing and say what needs saying and hug and love and make sure true feelings are known between people. But, that's just how life is sometimes. It ends abruptly and there's no going back to finish the unfinished or speak the unspoken words or give that last hug one more time before wishing that person safe travels and a casual "See you soon". There is guilt in my mind for how frustrated I would get over it. There is regret in my heart for not expressing myself better. There is peace in my soul knowing that he keeps his promises and WILL see me through. And there is laughter in my life from sharing memories of him with others with whom I am close.
There are days I still see him say my name. And every day I am reminded somehow of the burden he took on when he took me in. And there will not be a day in my life when I am not grateful.
~A
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Arctic Tundra
Well, dinner last Friday was jacked up by the 74 inches of snow that dumped on us.... OK, OK, not 74 inches, but a LOT of snow, that happened to fall after about 2 inches of rain fell and then subsequently froze to the roads. The governor called a state of emergency, the National Guard was called out to help stranded motorists. My friend from the Guard ended up having a military class that wasn't cancelled (which I find interesting, but that's another rant entirely) and was at Camp Ripley about 3 hours from here with decent weather. He made it there and back just fine, just to have his soon-to-be-ex-wife roll it and total it on Monday.... Poor Army....
Anyways, a Chef friend of ours made it to dinner, along with Smarty (my oldest nephew), my Brother and my niece. Mom made too much food, as is her MO, and we had a great time.
Then, I worked all weekend and had school all week. Life is crazy busy, but I'm still trying to find time to hurl it out here.It's all about the punctuated graffiti.
~A
Anyways, a Chef friend of ours made it to dinner, along with Smarty (my oldest nephew), my Brother and my niece. Mom made too much food, as is her MO, and we had a great time.
Then, I worked all weekend and had school all week. Life is crazy busy, but I'm still trying to find time to hurl it out here.It's all about the punctuated graffiti.
~A
Friday, February 21, 2014
Friday Afternoon
Well, today is turning into a full day... As I type this, I've got meals in the works to finish and be prepared to make lunch and dinners out of for the next few days. Yeah, I'm a "few days at a time" prepper, a whole week feels like way too much to cram into 1 day of cooking. Plus, then how am I supposed to get my frustrations out later in the week?? So, today I cooked enough to feed us at least through Monday.
I work double shifts this weekend, so today was going to just be food prep and relaxing but then... people. Last week, I was complaining that I didn't have any good friends and that I couldn't find anyone to socialize with, and today I've got people swarming around. Maybe it's because they smell the food...
Woke up this morning to a text from my brother asking what I was doing. Snow day for his kids today means the 3 of them were bothering each other before the clock even struck 7:30. So, I get the oldest one. Cool! He's on his laptop in front of me right now, playing Minecraft. Oh, to be a 13-year-old boy seems so relaxing! Ha, no thanks.
Then, a few Deaf friends are coming over to my (hearing and ASL-clueless) mom's house for dinner. Should be a good time for sure! Whenever we have friends or family come over, we call the dinner a Smorgasbord, which I only recently realized isn't an English word. My mother always makes way too much food - she used to be a caterer and can't divide. ;) Interpreting this shindig could prove to be interesting, though. I'll be the only hearing bilingual person there, with 3 other hearing people and 2 Deaf. Hopefully, I can convince my awesome friend to join us and help me, since he's fluent in ASL also.
Well, for now, I'm off to bother my nephew into playing a game with me, then errands that need to be run. You'll read all about it later, I'm sure. Or not. After all, it's not like I'm writing a novel that requires set information about my life events. It's just punctuated graffiti...
~A
I work double shifts this weekend, so today was going to just be food prep and relaxing but then... people. Last week, I was complaining that I didn't have any good friends and that I couldn't find anyone to socialize with, and today I've got people swarming around. Maybe it's because they smell the food...
Woke up this morning to a text from my brother asking what I was doing. Snow day for his kids today means the 3 of them were bothering each other before the clock even struck 7:30. So, I get the oldest one. Cool! He's on his laptop in front of me right now, playing Minecraft. Oh, to be a 13-year-old boy seems so relaxing! Ha, no thanks.
Then, a few Deaf friends are coming over to my (hearing and ASL-clueless) mom's house for dinner. Should be a good time for sure! Whenever we have friends or family come over, we call the dinner a Smorgasbord, which I only recently realized isn't an English word. My mother always makes way too much food - she used to be a caterer and can't divide. ;) Interpreting this shindig could prove to be interesting, though. I'll be the only hearing bilingual person there, with 3 other hearing people and 2 Deaf. Hopefully, I can convince my awesome friend to join us and help me, since he's fluent in ASL also.
Well, for now, I'm off to bother my nephew into playing a game with me, then errands that need to be run. You'll read all about it later, I'm sure. Or not. After all, it's not like I'm writing a novel that requires set information about my life events. It's just punctuated graffiti...
~A
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Hello All!
And welcome to my blog!
I hope you enjoy all that you will find here. The blog name came from spinning a quote from the movie Contagion: Blogging is not writing. It's just graffiti with punctuation.
Most of it will be emotion-fueled ranting about life's ups and downs. But, hey, a lot of it might make you feel better about your own life! Ha!
I'm not here to look for pity, or even advice. It's more just a place to hurl out my thoughts so they don't turn inward. Somewhere I read that human adults are capable of thinking 300 words in 1 minute. That's a lot! Can you imagine what 5 minutes of negative thinking or self-degradation could do to your mind and spirit? We're talking serious damage!
So, I'd prefer to spew it out here on the keyboard... And let you all read it and criticize it. I'll listen, but I probably won't let it bother me.
After all, it's just punctuated graffiti! ;]
~Al
I hope you enjoy all that you will find here. The blog name came from spinning a quote from the movie Contagion: Blogging is not writing. It's just graffiti with punctuation.
Most of it will be emotion-fueled ranting about life's ups and downs. But, hey, a lot of it might make you feel better about your own life! Ha!
I'm not here to look for pity, or even advice. It's more just a place to hurl out my thoughts so they don't turn inward. Somewhere I read that human adults are capable of thinking 300 words in 1 minute. That's a lot! Can you imagine what 5 minutes of negative thinking or self-degradation could do to your mind and spirit? We're talking serious damage!
So, I'd prefer to spew it out here on the keyboard... And let you all read it and criticize it. I'll listen, but I probably won't let it bother me.
After all, it's just punctuated graffiti! ;]
~Al
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