25 years ago today, a Minnesota family's life was changed forever. Jacob Wetterling was abducted while biking home from a convenience store with his brother and a friend. Their lives and the lives of their families, friends, and community would be changed forever. A search would go on for months, with no success. Years later, his parents continue to tirelessly work to find a shred of something that they could grasp on to and at least have an answer over what had happened to their son. A 25-year search for closure.
I was 6 days old when this happened. I remember hearing my mother tell me (several years later) about the thoughts that went through her head, having such a young baby when tragedy struck small-town Minnesota. She had brought a daughter into the world with a naive sense of security and hope for good in the world. And, just days later, the world had proven her wrong. It was supposed to be safe to let your kids play together in the neighborhood and only worry about how many scrapes and bruises they'd have when they came home; not to watch out the window worrying whether your child would be the next one to vanish. It was supposed to be just fine to let the kids run around the neighborhood, as long as they went with a group; parents shouldn't have to worry if their child would be the targeted one out of their group. As a kid it was supposed to feel like home in the cul-de-sac playing with friends until the street lights came on, a city-run built-in alarm clock that told us it was time to come home and clean up for supper; not to feel the need to question any stranger that roamed into our neighborhood or feel uneasy if our own adult neighbors looked at us a little too long or a little too often. Raising a child in Minnesota was supposed to be the epitome of the American dream; that's what my mother had thought the entire time she had waited to start a family.
Jacob Wetterling was the first child abduction that adults from that time can remember remaining unsolved. Minnesota had failed my mother. On a much larger scale, our home-grown community had failed the Wetterlings. We, as a state, as a community, as a support circle, had no answers. Yes, for a short time groups banded together and searched all the logical places - and the illogical ones, I'm sure. All unsuccessful.
Eventually, the headlines changed. Life moved on for everyone, the Wetterlings included. Their life took on a new purpose. They started the Jacob Wetterling Foundation and worked towards the passing of the Jacob Wetterling Act. They continued to raise their other son, the last family member to see Jacob. Life moved on for their community; that convenience store is a veterinarian clinic now. Life moved on for Minnesota. And life moved on for my mother. She stayed in her home state and raised me the best way she knew how - the way her mother had raised her - and adapted to the ever-changing times. She accepted the fact that you can't protect your child from all the bad in the world, and it would be doing them a great disservice to try. When she became a single parent, she spent extra time ensuring safeguards were in place at my school in the event she couldn't be there to pick me up herself. When I became a latch-key kid, she bought me a cell phone at an unreasonably young age so I would always be able to reach out for help. All of these things were to ensure that everyone was comfortable with life's situations; all of these things would have been unnecessary. But Minnesota had failed.
The other day, I saw this:
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| Source: Lamar Advertising |
Then I overheard someone utter the unthinkable words: Why don't they just give up and move on already? She shouldn't be waiting around for her son to turn up.....
And it solidified my thought that Minnesota has failed its parents. Minnesotans have failed each other. How dare you, complete stranger, judge a woman based on her inability and unwillingness to "give up" on her child?! How dare you, uninvolved party, suggest that a mother "move on" from grieving the loss of her son?!
But, you know what? She was right..... Patty Wetterling shouldn't be waiting for her son to show up, she should know where he is and where he has been for the last 25 years. She shouldn't be hoping for a phone call that Jacob has been found, she should be hoping for a phone call that her grandchild is about to be born, or has lost a first tooth. She shouldn't be wondering if today will be the day the police show up at her door with devastating news; she should be surprised by her sons showing up unannounced to tell her of a wedding in the works. She shouldn't be home wondering if she'll ever see her son again, she should be looking forward to Sunday night where, on her calendar, it's marked "Jacob& Trevor come for supper".
They say it takes a village to raise a child. For 25 years, when it comes to giving our parents peace of mind for their children's safety, Minnesota has failed. But I was born and raised here and I KNOW WE CAN DO BETTER. Because I have no intention of leaving, and I have every intention of raising a family here. Knowing that my community will have my back.
~A
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