Loss

Recently, there has been some loss in my life that I'm still not sure how I'm dealing with. Maybe I'm not dealing at all. Maybe I'm dealing just fine and I'm just not used to being that emotionally healthy. Couldn't say for sure either way...

23 days is too fast for such a monumental person to have to say goodbyes. It is not nearly long enough to do what needs doing and say what needs saying and hug and love and make sure true feelings are known between people. But, that's just how life is sometimes. It ends abruptly and there's no going back to finish the unfinished or speak the unspoken words or give that last hug one more time before wishing that person safe travels and a casual "See you soon". There is guilt in my mind for how frustrated I would get over it. There is regret in my heart for not expressing myself better. There is peace in my soul knowing that he keeps his promises and WILL see me through. And there is laughter in my life from sharing memories of him with others with whom I am close.

There are days I still see him say my name. And every day I am reminded somehow of the burden he took on when he took me in. And there will not be a day in my life when I am not grateful.

~A